Because you've always been the star. Because you're always shining so brightly, you can't see those around you. But that's not your fault, is it?

Hiii, I've decided to post somewhere else because this space is no longer private and I feel threatened. I'll come back when I feel like it's safe. ;)

Young Forever

It is all about enjoying life lately.

Shop, get pretty clothes and have nice dinners, satisfying materialistic wants. But it gives me a strong empty feeling. So what if we've all these? So what? It does not empower us in any way. People don't think you're pretty just because you've immaculately dressed. Even you yourself might not agree you're beautiful.

So I decided I'd rather splurge on food, work on getting fat then find motivation to improve my stamina. Ice-cream/ yoghurt cheers me up nearly instantly (P.S. Island Creamery & Frolick!!!) I totally live to eat. But I'm going to get my 2.4 timing 12 flat/under 12 by the end of the holidays. 1240 is way too depressing. I swear running on the track is a pain in the neck, I miss the canal @ Crescent.

But I guess the best part about this week is meeting up w the friends I really, really miss.

Yes, Melissa Foo, my BFF for more 8 years!!! ;)))



It was Friday, so we decided to visit TGIF hahhaa!



Buffalo Wings ;D We ate the celery, praise me!!!



Half-rack but still too much meat I reckon. :(((





The above is a perfect illustration of a big fat elephant.



Everything w Fries w Yuqi!
Thank you so much for everything, everything, the awesome friend and best senior anyone could have asked for. :)

And my red mean Elmo, whom we celebrated her birthday yesterday. Even though we didn't do anything special at all, I really had fun just hanging out w them. True friends enjoy each others' company even in silence.

Off to Shanghai w my family next week! I really want to cherish the little family time I've w them. I've been reading my archives and I realised I was such a bad and selfish child in the past. I want to change that. ;)))

I'm much stronger now comparing to the time I first stepped into college. Then again, in this fierce environment, it is impossible not to grow. Finally, I'm seeing something positive out of all these for once.

School: Mundane. That hasn't changed a bit. We continue leading life in a routine, do we are told, follow the plans made for us, having little control of our own lives. I need rest, badly. Before long, school is going to drain even that very little left of us now.

And I realised I hate second chances. If you don't want to give me a chance then, don't give me one now. I don't see how you will trust me now when you have little faith in me then. Call me stubborn/petty wtv, but I don't need this. I'm not contented being a replacement, I rather be myself.

I saw this on my news feed:
"There's a point in your life when you are tired of chasing after people and trying to fix things. It's not giving up, it's just realising there's no longer a need."

How true.

Every time we fail, we either tell ourselves, "it's okay, I've tried my best" or "it's okay, this is not my best yet, I can definitely do better next time". But the thing is, many times in reality, you are given only one chance. And sometimes, even giving your best is not enough. In fact, it's never enough.

I'm really really tired. Both mentally and physically.

I want to do well for so many people, I really do. I want them to know they've made the right choice in believing in me.

I've received far more encouragement than I deserve. There are people looking back, in front, and around for me even in this fast-paced world. Even when they don't know what is gg on w my messed up life, even when they themselves are facing their own problems, even when they need encouragement themselves, they always send me their love and let me know that they're still there because they know I need it. A friend told me this: "When i see you so drained and out, my heart really pains." I wanted to cry so much but I held it back.

I've been crying way too much. But those times are really over. I have to be strong now. I have to continue running this race. I really really must. It is no longer my own choice anymore and I realised it has never been all along.

I was thinking, I must have been Mother Teresa in my past life, to have done so much good that I'm getting this treatment right now. I honestly really do love you guys so much from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes, you all make being independent so difficult, because being reliant on you guys is so easy. But I know it's time to stand on my own now. It's time.