I'm much stronger now comparing to the time I first stepped into college. Then again, in this fierce environment, it is impossible not to grow. Finally, I'm seeing something positive out of all these for once.

School: Mundane. That hasn't changed a bit. We continue leading life in a routine, do we are told, follow the plans made for us, having little control of our own lives. I need rest, badly. Before long, school is going to drain even that very little left of us now.

And I realised I hate second chances. If you don't want to give me a chance then, don't give me one now. I don't see how you will trust me now when you have little faith in me then. Call me stubborn/petty wtv, but I don't need this. I'm not contented being a replacement, I rather be myself.

I saw this on my news feed:
"There's a point in your life when you are tired of chasing after people and trying to fix things. It's not giving up, it's just realising there's no longer a need."

How true.

Every time we fail, we either tell ourselves, "it's okay, I've tried my best" or "it's okay, this is not my best yet, I can definitely do better next time". But the thing is, many times in reality, you are given only one chance. And sometimes, even giving your best is not enough. In fact, it's never enough.

I'm really really tired. Both mentally and physically.

I want to do well for so many people, I really do. I want them to know they've made the right choice in believing in me.

I've received far more encouragement than I deserve. There are people looking back, in front, and around for me even in this fast-paced world. Even when they don't know what is gg on w my messed up life, even when they themselves are facing their own problems, even when they need encouragement themselves, they always send me their love and let me know that they're still there because they know I need it. A friend told me this: "When i see you so drained and out, my heart really pains." I wanted to cry so much but I held it back.

I've been crying way too much. But those times are really over. I have to be strong now. I have to continue running this race. I really really must. It is no longer my own choice anymore and I realised it has never been all along.

I was thinking, I must have been Mother Teresa in my past life, to have done so much good that I'm getting this treatment right now. I honestly really do love you guys so much from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes, you all make being independent so difficult, because being reliant on you guys is so easy. But I know it's time to stand on my own now. It's time.

Dec Aussie Trip: Gold Coast

Haven't updated in LONG, 2 months and a few more days to be exact. That's my longest record i guess. :O I've so many priorities over this site now and thus the case. :( So much have happened in school, i really don't know where to start, so i'll start recording my Aussie trip first, before my memory starts to fade.


Second time in Gold Coast, the first being more than 10 years ago. But from my vague impression of it, nothing much changes actually. Apart from the places we visited, I really really love our apartment (Azzura) and the shopping there!!! The view from the apartment was breathtaking. In the morning, you can see hot air balloons up in the sky with the rising sun in the background and in the evening, you can watch as the orange sun sets behind the mountains. ;) Ten thumbs-up!!!!

Not forgetting the times my brother attempted to make hot choc by cooking the choc drink we got at the mart (best ever!!!) in the pot and ended up burning the static stove! HAHAHA. And my mom who whipped up w some awesome steaks for us. :))))

But of course, the beach was the most impressive of them all. I can sit right there, plug in music and watch as the world goes by for the entire day wo feeling restless/bored. The wind, air, water and view just make up for the lack of action. But as for that, you really have to see it for yourself, it's hard to put it in words. The sunsets I caught there were the best I've ever seen in my life. :)

• Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary

Crocodiles, snakes, koalas, eagles, kangaroos and more kangaroos. Man, I held a living baby crocodile!!! I was seriously mad scared, but did it nevertheless. It's my 3rd bravest attempt with animals- 1st being playing with tiger cubs when i was young and 2nd being holding a snake around my neck. HAHAHA okay the snake one is quite noob, but I'm really afraid of snakes, more than those cute little tiger cubs!!! :(

I really love the place anyway, it's away from town, quiet, serene and all. Time seems to slow down a lot when you're there. But the mosquitoes were practically feasting on me, so that's bad. :(



Praise me!!! Even Esme's secretly impressed! ;D



To be fair, my brother did it too! Oh well.





CUTEST THING ON EARTH! ;D

• Paradise Country (Farm)

The food they serve there is AMAZING. Lunch was chicken/fish/steak -all equally good (!!!) Love the garden salad too!!! Plus their tea bread and english tea really reminded me a lot of England except they didn't come in dainty English glassware. I wanna go horse riding someday.

• Movie World

Found my 2nd fav theme park ride while I was there: SUPERMAN Escape!!! (1st still being Hollywood Dreams @ US Japan) We only rode on it once, but the thrill went right down our spines. Lil' monster took Lethal Weapon on his own cause I was too overwhelmed by the many 360 degrees turn hahaha. ;)

• Sea World

The corkscrew rollercoaster wasn't operating so the other rides were pretty repetitive. :( The dolphin show was impressive though. Not whale riders, dolphin riders!!!

• Dream World

Our fav theme park out of the 3.

• QDeck